Justice 4 U
Tilly
Have you been in an accident that was not your fault, paternity test quite not working out? Justice is what you need! Call justice 4 U.
Carol
Hey Jody!
Jody
Hey Carol, How you doing?
Carol
I’m great. I’ve just realised, I need a new cup of justice.
Jody:
Did you call justice 4 U?
Tilly mimes it
Carol
Yeah I’m watching it now! It’s only a million scottish pounds.
Jody
Yeah same here in yorksian pounds.
Carol
It’s a bargain!
Jody
Bargain!
Daniel
Terms and conditions apply only in selected store, postage not included and no refunds or exchanges and no law suites available.
Tilly
Justice 4 U
Jody & Carol
Remember, only a million!
New scene
Mayors
One Million
Claire
On one condition.
Mayor (A)
Madam you said, on one condition. May I ask, on what condition?
Claire
I’ll tell you on what condition. I’m giving you a million, and I’m buying myself justice.
We all turn to the audience and mime 4 U
Mayor(A)
My dear lady, what do you mean by that?
Claire
What I said.
Mayor (A)
So, who specifically do you want to justify?
Claire
Alfred Ill.
Everyone sings Alfred’s name.
Alfred
What do you want of me?
Lawyer
The year was 1910. I was Lord Chief justice in Guellen. I had a paternity claim to arbitrate. Clara claimed that you, Mr Ill, were her child’s father.
Transform into Jeremy Kyle.
New Scene
Jeremy Kyle
Welcome to Jeremy Kyle.
Everyone applause.
Jeremy Kyle
Today, we have a paternity claim by Claire who is currently a single mother.
Claire enters.
Jeremy Kyle
So Claire, why are you here today?
Claire
I’m here to claim Alfred Ill as the father to my baby.
Jeremy Kyle
What makes you think that?
Claire
Because he is the only person I slept with at the time.
Jeremy Kyle
And what will you do if he is not the father?
Claire
I will have to go into prostitution.
Jeremy
Okay so let’s bring out Alfred Ill.
Everyone claps.
Okay Alfred, what do you think about this claim?
Alfred
Well, I know I’m not the father.
Jeremy
Okay well let’s find out. The DNA test states that Alfred, you are…
Alfred signals to have a private conversation.
Jeremy
We will be right back.
Goes over to Alfred. Alfred gives Jeremy money.
Jeremy
Money......For...For me?....Okay. Alfred you are not the father.
Claire leaves the stage and returns back to her previous position with the Mayor’s.
New Scene
Claire
See, everything can be bought.
Mayor(D)
I still don’t understand.
Everyone
Well…
Be our guest plays and we transition into a restaurant scene.
New Scene
Sherene
Bonjour sir, what may I get you? Would you like le bleu?
Daniel
No.
Sherene
Would you like le ginger?
Daniel
No
Sherene
Le brunette?
Daniel
No
Sherene
Le Blonde?
Daniel
No, I don’t want any of these girls.
Looks at Tianna.
I want her.
Other girls
Huh?
Sherene
Huh? She’s not on the menu.
Daniel
I don’t care if she’s not on the menu, I want her!
Sherene
Says french phrases in frustration… She has a baby! Her paternity trials are bad you don’t want her.
Daniel
But I do.
Sherene
Fine, she will be thirty…
Daniel
Thirty Million?
Other girls
A million?
Sherene
No, just thirty, she’s not that expensive, but congratulations on your love purchase sir!
Everyone claps.
Everyone goes back to the formation.
Claire
Well that’s my backstory.
Mayor (A)
If Alfred Ill has done you this wrong, what do you wish may happen to him?
Claire
I want him killed.
Everyone gasps.
Mayor(A)
Madam, you forget, this is Europe. You forget, we are not savages. In the name of all citizens of Guellen, I reject your offer; and I reject it in the name of humanity. We would rather have poverty than blood on our hands… Meanwhile the Mayor(D)signals to some people to go and kill Alfred Ill and they do kill him, we dip our hands in paint and money is stuck to our hands. We tell the audience what we have done and how we used money to escape the consequence.
Everyone
What have you bought?
The end.
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